Paris by Day (and night)

12.30pm So far ahead of schedule we confidently decide to go off road and stop off at Roye just north of Paris. A raw beef steak, some pizza and a salad later we are ready to tackle Paris.

2pm We are so NOT ready to tackle Paris. Graeme has taken over driving and I am navigating and it is a nightmare. No signposts, the craziest drivers in the world and only a partial map.

3pm Map accquired, Graeme after being called a 'very sexy women' by the MALE petrol station attendant is now one of the crazy Parisian drivers. If a car is going one mph under the limit he is beeping his horn and driving an inch behind them. A bottle of red is cracked open to combat the stress, then a white to combat the effects of the red.

6pm We have binned the idea of driving to the meeting point after THREE hours of being 'almost ther' and have parked Misery in a secure car park overnight. We took pictures of the nearby street signs to ensure we could get back by taxi later.

6.15pm Accosted by about a million Parisians looking for pictures with us. The craziest couple had their own wrestling Mexican wrestling masks with them and politely asked if we minded them wearing them. Anything to oblige!

8pm We arrive at the Hop Bar meeting point in the shadow of the Louvre and mingle with fellow Coyotes. The Misery Machine and our team wins an award for best theme which consists of half an engine manifold from an XR2 sprayed gold. Scooby Dooby Doo. Now we drink.

Day TWO
7.30am What is it about getting up at the crack of a sparrow's on this trip. Serious hangovers after a brutal night at the Hop Bar last night None of us could fold out the alleged full bed seats last night and so three of us spent our first of four sleeping across a gap in the seats in the car park with full lights on and muzak blaring. That's how we roll. Racing to make the meeting with fellow Coyotes at the bottom of Paris. Ain't gonna happen considering the state of the Paris signage. We have 534 miles to go and I am dreading every mile!

9am After much shouting, swearing and gnashing of teeth we are STILL in Paris. Someone actually decides to look at the map and we find we are about ten
minutes from where we started. 9.15am Finally get onto the A4 and Paris is about to become a distant memory. Is it right for men to moisturise? (Skinner) The debate is likely to rage for minutes.

Graeme's food diary Calais - Paris
Boeuf Steak (blue)
Pizza Bolognaise
6 Escargots
Pizza Reine
Calzone
Goats cheese salad
Two cokes
Orangina
Orange (medicinal)
1 glass rough red
1 bottle Rose
18 breadsticks
Smirnoff ice
4 kronenburgs
1 bottle red
sambucca shooters (lost count)
2 vodka and coke
5 vodka lemonade
evening meal 1 burger and chips between 5
20 pints grolsch
5 bags crisps

Mood level Frayed.